It took a long time, but I understood one thing.
I don´t find what I'm looking for in the outside.
Neither a person nor a country or even the world will be able to give me what
I'm looking for.
Because what I'm looking for, I´ll only find inside of me.
No matter what country I'll be in, no matter who I'm with in a relationship, I will never find what I really look for in one of those things.
Because what I´m looking for, I´ll only find inside of me.
We go through a cleansing process, we work on ourselves, we get to known ourselves each day better and we´ll understand what really matters in life.
All the money, the success, the glory, the material will never be able to fulfil us, because it doesn´t show us what we are really looking for. We only compress...
When do we get the feeling that we need a change of scenery?
When do we just want to get on a plane and see the world from the top and leave the past behind us?
But it won´t be always that easy. We will feel restless until we are ready to acknowledge that everything is within us.
Nobody can give us what we are really looking for.
We don´t find fulfilment in the outside. We find fulfilment in the inside.
Mostly we are aware of it in the most surprising moments. We are sitting by the river, let the soul dangle and then a thought shoots through our mind: Time is running.
She runs and flies in a hurry in which we don´t come after.
We want to do so much, but for most of it we just don´t have the time. We say ‘I change something next week’ and then four weeks have passed and we are even changed nothing.
We realize how valuable every single moment is and how fast we forget exactly that because we are not in the here and now. We are not at all living every single moment. We are always somewhere else with our thoughts. Be it somewhere in the past, somewhere in the future or through a chat with a completely different person, as with the one we're sitting in a room with.
We forget what is really important. We forget to be in the here and now.
But much worse: we lose sight of the essentials.
Who am I?
What makes me really happy?
What is good for me?
And who is doing well to me?
We can question this every single day: Am I still on my way? Am I really doing what fills me and what suits me? Is there something in my life that restricts me or even stops me from what makes me really happy?
It will always revolve around the same thing in our life: Our matter of the heart, our heart's desire. Am I on my way to get there? Am I really living my life according to my ideas?
I know these are not easy questions. It is even harder to give yourself an honest answer. Change is one thing, but the other thing is that you really acknowledge it, recognize it, and then act on it.
So who are we and what are we gonna do with our life?
We can ask ourselves this question again and again and we will feel if we answering it honestly, or whether we are giving ourselves an answer that we are not really satisfied with. It will always be up to us to make a difference...
Actually, we can simply enjoy our lives.
Life is way too short to worry about and it can be over much too soon.
Once a year we are reminded of exactly this - on our birthday.
With fright, we realize that another year is over and we wonder “I really lived this year?” “Did I enjoy every day with pleasure?”
But a lot worse is; we're one year older, the skin is wrinkled, the hair is grey and that's it what our Birthdays dominates - the physical decay and the panic of aging.
While children are excited about this day with pure joy, it terrified the adults.
But in my eyes, all that is incidental, because our birthday may be for us always be something wonderful!
It is the day we were born. It's the day we have begun our lives here and this day may be celebrated no matter how old you get.
Birthdays are especially important for the people who only make it on this one day to remember how wonderful it is to be in the world.
We can celebrate and enjoy every day of our lives.
Admittedly it sounds very exuberant, but isn´t it so?
We are here.
We live, we love and we laugh.
If we're lucky, then we can do that for a while. We can treat each day as unique and above all we can enjoy every day.
Who knows, maybe I'll see it differently in 20 years’ time, but I do not think so.
Especially on our birthday we can stop and review the past year. But above all we can leave it behind, see into the distance and we can look happily forward to the coming year.
The most beautiful gift we have is that we´re alive and that we have every day the chance to make it the most beautiful day of our lives.
We are mover and shakers, but unfortunately the most of us forget about that.
Birthdays are a good moment to remember that...
I look at the lake and see the sailboats.
I wonder if his is there too.
He raises his hand in greeting; he has discovered me on the shore.
My heart laughs, it hops, it is open.
And I wonder, is that love?
I am lying next to him in bed at night.
I listen to his breathing.
He turns to me and pulls me to him.
My heart leaps out of my chest.
And I wonder, is that love?
I look at him.
I look him in the eyes and I see him.
He looks at me, his eyes go right into me and he smiles.
My heart is screaming.
And I wonder, is that love?
To find out who I really am, I have to be one thing above all else: ready! I have to be ready to meet the person who is still hiding somewhere inside of me. I would say it's not always easy, but that would be a lie, because if I open up and make my way, it's just that. When I think that I was back in Germany very dissolved, standing crying in the hall and did not want to leave for Ireland (I just could not say goodbye to my cat and say: See you soon Kierkegaard), but then when I think of the moment when I said goodbye to my mom at the airport, the feeling was different. I love my mom above all else and she is the most important person in my life, but at that moment, I just knew more than clearly that this farewell must be and is necessary, because we simply have to leave people, animals and objects behind. We have to say goodbye so we have the chance to start something new. For me, this farewell was on the one hand saying goodbye to my cat and on the other saying goodbye to my mom. I was ready, I was more than ready. I just wanted to march through passport control and start a new life. Every fibre of my body was ready. And then I sat in the plane. All those moments of panic and doubt that I had in the morning were gone. I felt that I was on the right track - on my way. It's hard to describe the feeling of being on the right track, so I'll start at the beginning.
A very important and loving person in my life told me one day that I should just go to Ireland. For a long time it was clear to me that I did not want to stay in Germany. That was not and is not my country. New Zealand was my country, it made me feel happy and at home ... Unfortunately, New Zealand is not exactly around the corner and the immigration conditions are a bit more difficult.
However I was made aware of Ireland and the seed was sown. I am a very impulsive person and therefore I act on things fast, move fast and act on impulse, but if I have something in my head then that's what I want and nothing else. I follow a plan without having a plan. So it was very clear to me that I would fly to Ireland. I booked my one-way flight without first seeing the country and without having a plan of what I would do there. And when we start such actions, then we should realize one thing: we are ready.
What is released in us when we have made a decision? Is it euphoria or panic? In the latter case, think over your decision again and otherwise go for it. If we are honest then nothing can happen to us. We can always turn around again or think of something else. And if that happens then that's not going to be a big deal. It always, really always, comes as it should come. But even more important is: it comes at the right time. We have no control over that - we can either move towards it or away from it with our decisions. If anyone here asks me how I came to just move over, I tell them that I've listened to my gut feeling. And here we arrived already at the point: It's always about our feeling it may be a gut feeling or our intuition. Listen to it! Be honest with yourself and open up yourself to yourself and the being that is really in you. Once you're ready for it, things will work out by themselves. Nothing and nobody will be able to stand in your way - except yourself! For a moment, let's pay attention to the objections that I keep hearing: you are young, you have no obligations yet, you have no responsibility.
I can only answer that: At the age of 25, I could already have a family, so young is such a thing, but it's true, I'm not 45 and caught in anything. Of course, someday I will have family, but on my terms and only then, if I am really ready.
Still, age is not the only factor that plays a role. You can always take the step, you just have to trust commitments, who has obligations? YOU are only obliged to yourself and not even to your job, quit it, you do not need much to live on. Grab your bag and go. Nothing and nobody can hold you back. Every decision that you make will of course affect you and your environment. But have you ever thought that these decisions can also have positive effects on your environment? It does not have to be negative! That may be in your imagination, but that's the fear that speaks out of you and not the courage. Do you think your partner or your children have the real you, if you are unhappy? Responsibility ... Yes, that's a matter of course. Who tells you what you have responsibility for? You are the most important person in your life. As long as your children are small, you have responsibility for them, but this point will eventually be ticked off, they will be free and make their own lives. You have no responsibility for your partner, your parents or your siblings. Only for you. Have you ever wondered where the sense of responsibility actually comes from? Nobody can prescribe for you what you feel responsible for, only you yourself. It sounds very selfish, but you must not make your happiness, your love and your life dependent on other people. Only you can find out for yourself what makes you happy and how you want to live your life. And that's exactly what you need, a healthy dose of selfishness. Have faith, if you have found your way, then everything will work out. Everything will develop and you will not be afraid of the future and uncertainty. Listen to your inner voice alone, for no voice in the outside can guide you as your own.
Now there is only one more question: How long does it take to find your way?
The counter question in this case is: what are you willing to leave behind, or what do you hold on to, that prevents you from going your way? You are the deciding factor in the answer!
But the most fundamental question is: do you want to find your way and if so, are you ready to go?
Be brave and dare to finally go on your way. It's the most beautiful gift you can give yourself.